Return from a Hiatus

Haha, well this is awkward.

If I still have followers then that’s great! If not then I guess it’s time for a fresh start.

The last time I made a post was in April 2014. I’m 95 percent sure that I was sitting in my trigonometry class thinking about being free from school and responsibilities and what not.

So what’s new:

My senior year of high school was really stressful, academically and emotionally, but I made it! I also recieved the Gates Millennium Scholarship which connected me to a network of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. It also funds my education up to my doctorate degree; I hope I’m not bragging. I’ll definitely make a post about it and encourage people to apply because it’s such a life changing program. One thing that I am proud about regarding my senior self is that I went outside of the box numerous times; it all ended badly but it still offers embarrasing memories that I cringe/laugh about. For example, I told this dude that I liked him by sending him a flower on Valentine’s Day. He said “thanks, I appreciate it” and we never really talked after that. It’s mostly my fault and then other components with friends and other girls and such, but hey, it was interesting. I also tried out for a fashion show and didn’t make it but actually attempting to be in a fashion show is a big move for me. So yeah, senior year.

Summer 2015 was probably the best period of time in my life. I literally spent my time outside almost everyday with my plants, grass, trees, tapestry, and book and went to this doughnut shop almost every night. I definitely miss it but I keep on telling myself that I can’t live in the past and that I have a planet to save and a society to revert back to the root.

I’m in college now! I go to Rutgers University and I might major in Biochemistry; I’m definitely minoring in nutrition though. I want to do something involved with the environment, agricultural systems, and producing more organic and natural pharmaceuticals and cosmetics. I figured that Biochemistry has its relations in all of these subjects but I’m still trying to figure out if that’s the major that would lead me to my dream job. We’ll see.

I honestly have to look back through my blog and see how I changed throughout the last year and few months so I could post about my current points of view, feelings, opinions on things, etc. It’s so common in my mind that I’m not even sure where to start or what to talk about but I’ll find a way! This blog will get back up and running and I’m super excited! I’m not sure if I’ll tell anyone about it on my social media accounts just because it’ll be embarrasing for them to see the dork/habitual complainer that I was/am but maybe I will.

If anything, I’ll try to post at least twice a week. It will be another add on to my many duties such as studying, watering my plants, taking care of my hair, showering, eating, breathing; alright I’m kidding about the last 3 but you get my drift.

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Go Easy on Me

Go Easy on Me

Hey guys.

So I was doing my trigonometry homework and listening to Declaration of Independence (the album) by Kings of Convenience when I came across this song.

It’s pretty nice, check it out.

The song is called Renegade, not Go Easy on Me. But that’s what I was appealed to.

Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Mariana Calazans by Zee Nunes for Vogue Brazil April 2014

Model Mariana Calazans;

Photographed by Zee Nunes;

Fashion Editor Pedro Sales;

Beauty Silvio Giorgio.

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Wake Up

Does anyone ever just wake up but don’t open their eyes (excuse the grammar).
Like you’re awake but you just don’t want to see anything yet, you don’t want to see the world right then and there.
So you just keep your eyes closed.
Initially when you came out of your phase of sleep, everything feels alright. But then everything that’s on your mind comes rushing at you like the start of a horse race.
It practically stamps you in the ground, well, at least me at this time in the game.
So you’re just laying there with everything saddled right there onto you. And you try to go back to sleep.
But..
1) It’s too late and you have to go to work/school
2) You have to pee
3) You’re hungry
And so on and so forth.
I’m just speaking from what I was feeling this morning.
It’s like I wasn’t ready to see the world. I literally blocked it out and tried to forget it. I mean, if you can’t see it, it’s not there right?
Wrong. Dumb ass.
I don’t know, I just wanted to stay behind my curtain and stay backstage where I could make a tropical island or any other place I once was at and/or loved out of the figments out of my imagination, rather, memory.
But guess what, it’s not there.
I’m not there.
I’m here.
So I opened my eyes.

So… What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

Yo momma.

Hey guys, how’s it hanging?

It’s been a bittersweet week.

Let’s start with the good news.

So I brought my grade up in Chemistry to a 95 by getting a 104 on this stoichiometry test. I also brought up a few other grades and got into National Honor Society as well as Beta. Hoorah! (.)

The sort of bad news is that I think I failed my Spanish test because I had to work with a partner on it who whent SO DAMN SLOW I thought I would die. And now I might. Because I’m 99% sure my grade is going to drop.

I also found out that it doesn’t matter if I get all A’s this year, because I probably won’t get into the top ten, twenty, or thirty percentile of my class because everyone is a damn overachiever and I decided to fuck up freshman year and get 5 B’s and 2 A’s along with not taking almost any Honors classes.

People are getting full scholarships and getting accepted into Ivy League schools and I just suck man.

I’m not even trying to play the pity party, I’m just sort of (really) mad at myself for not trying and doubting myself.

It’s kind of ironic since I’m doubting myself now but whatever. Dejame en paz.

But I didn’t really write this post to rant.. that was sort of a divergent thing.

I really just want to know.. what do you want to be when you grow up?

I know some of you are already adults and probably have a respectable jo—… Hey, if you don’t, I’m not judging you.

But what did you want to be when you were younger. Was it like a fireman or a doctor or a stripper or a teacher?

If you guys didn’t know, I’m in my junior year of high school and I’m turning 17 in September. This means that I have to make a decision about where I want to to go to college and what the hell do I actually want to do.

This is where the rant ties in to the jist of this.

How the hell am I supposed to get into the college that I want if my GPA is lower than a wino’s sobrierty?

It’s a 4.1!

And I know what you’re thinking: “What the actual fuck are you crying about?”

I’m crying because people in my school have 4.3- 5.2 GPAs… I’m a dumb ass, man!

So because I decided to slack off in freshman year, I have to pay for that by not getting accepted into the University of Miami or New York University or whatever I apply to.

Hey, maybe I will get in, but what about scholarships? I’m a damn pauper, I barely can pay for my $100 phone bill. Let’s see me paying for $40,000/ yr. tuition.

It ain’t happening, ese.

How does this lead to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

It doesn’t, I was on another rant. Sorry guys I’m way out there.

Honestly, I have a vision or perhaps a blueprint of what I want my life to be. But we all know that life isn’t what it seems and that twists and turns disrupt our journey through life.

But I envision myself a pediatric surgeon or an obestrician who travels to third world countries and helps the women and children out.

I see myself speaking another language and having dreadlocks and all around being a cool, calm. and collected soul. A strong person who fights for what she believes in and has a coolness to her. You know? I want to be bohemian and cool as fuck.

And I don’t want to curse.

The main thing I really want to be though is myself.

I want to find out who I really am. I want to find out if all the things I do really is me and if they all lead me to my destiny. Are the words I speak truly from me or are they from a replica of me?

I want to know, I need to know.

I want to be happy. I want to find happiness. I want to bring happiness to others. I want to help others. I want to change their lives for the better.

I want to be successful.

I want to be happy.

I want to be happy.

 

 

Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

Can I have a friend like this?

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

www.astairwaytofashion.com Nathalie Westling by Richard Bush for i-D Magazine Spring 2014

Model Nathalie Westling;

Photographed by Richard Bush;

Fashion Editor Sarah…

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